I continue relationship advice columns. It’s an article dedicated to the book “Existe la mujer?” written by Dario Salas Sommer, and which is about a social trap which a woman lives in.
Let’s go!
A woman has never been a real woman, just a female. She doesn’t know, what means being a woman, cause in society only a role of female is defined. Besides, womanhood is often confused with biological sexuality, although those are absolutely different things. Signs of female and everything what has to do with a biological structure are given from birth. That’s a free gift of nature, getting without any effort, participation or choice of a woman.
Men choose their way themselves, and that way is not depended on a woman, on the one hand, however, doesn’t exclude it, on the other hand. And women, in a generally accepted opinion, should follow a man, imitating his behavior. In this way competition between a woman and a man begins, and women instinctively try to beat men in anything.
However such attempts are fruitless, cause it’s impossible to beat the person whom you imitate. It turns out that the both sexes follow the same model – male model. For a man, a woman doesn’t become the center of existence, he strives for reaching his own aims. A mental center of a woman is a man, but not her own existence.
In their heart of hearts, women feel themselves as castrated men. They have deep envy to a man’s penis, rivaling and hostility to mother, Oedipus complex towards father. In this way women are born with the feeling, that they are punished, they admire a man, feel themselves lowlier him, depend on him, and that causes a strong endless anxiety. That anxiety appears because of low self-esteem and forces a woman to demonstrate her womanhood by the only possible way – through motherhood.
Of course, discrimination of women existed always, however women themselves voluntarily give up on maturing and development, preferring to obey a man. That is explained by that a dependent person is free from efforts, responsibility and hard work. It’s enough for her to satisfy a defender and thrive in his background.
Women are afraid of their release as strongly as they desire it, and in their heart of hearts deny what they passionately maintain aloud. Equality and responsibility for themselves scare them, however, it’s impossible to put an end to discrimination without that.
Psychological researched demonstrated that a woman has lost the ability being a separate individual, she determines herself through someone. At first, she is someone’s daughter, then a wife, a mother, and that means she has an inner reality only when someone gives her something.
It’s not surprising, that desiring to achieve equality with men and success in life; women instinctively imitate male behavior, thinking, that the imitation will allow them to achieve equality. Consequences of that are plain: on the one hand, imitation of successful male behavior is, on the other hand women try to increase their sexuality. Therefore, a woman has only female essence, but not a real woman’s essence.
They turn themselves into desired erotic object, thinking, that they become feminine, but that makes their individual development impossible. The majority of women confuse womanhood with sexual attraction.
Carlos Castilla del Pino in his book “Four essay about women” maintains:” A usual status of a woman in our society – is peculiar madness….The most deep form of madness is nonacceptance in themselves that mental dysfunction….Membership of womankind means being CRIPPLE. Reality is that a woman is an object for men, men use women…Fight for life for a woman becomes a fight for a man…Frustration arises during all stages of cognition of her functions by a woman. A reason of woman’s frustration is her passiveness.”
Christian theology has stigmatized women. At first God created a man, then, when he had noticed, that the man was upset because of loneliness, God took his rib and created a woman. Consequently, a woman comes from a man. However, a turning point is that a woman is responsible for the first sin. God explicitly recognizes woman’s blame and imposes curses on her:
-I will increase your grief
-You’ll give birth to your children suffering
-I will increase your attraction to your husband, and he’ll rule you
And Adam, who had a ruling role, just was sentenced to working hard and dying too, as Eva was.
In any situation, absolutely different criterions are applied to a woman, compared with a man. When a woman is young, she passionately strives for finding some aim, in order to feel herself determined through the aim. When she is married, doesn’t work, and does only home duties, she feels herself as in prison. If she is married and works, then she tosses and turns between home and work. If she doesn’t have children, she feels despair, however when they exist and a novelty of feelings has gone, then acute melancholy arises, and she feels she has made sacrificed. During and after menopause, it seems to her, that her woman’s opportunities are irretrievably exhausted and there is nothing to wait from the life. If she has a man, the thought, that she can lose him, torments her. If she doesn’t have a man, then she feels herself lost and spurned. A woman will always find what to suffer for.
Female narcissism – is a mechanism of extolling and eulogy of yourself as an erotic object. And really, in basis of woman’s behavior striving for looking as a sexual object is and that is for fulfilling the main task – “to catch a man”.
Even after a woman has gotten married, she continues casting erotic bait for other men. She catches men’s eager glances only in order to satisfy her narcissism.
Female narcissism expects uninterrupted training, concentration and attention, mobilization of physical and mental energy in order to get a desired reward. It’s a bottomless pit. When can narcissus be really satisfied? Never. She feels unsure in herself, because she’s afraid that in a certain moment she will stay without a reward. There always is the opportunity that the person, who gave narcissus his approval, will spot doing that and will pay attention to another object. Narcissus needs a response, and she devises new ways of behavior in order to achieve so needed reward.
Passiveness, masochism and narcissism are characteristic of a woman. Both boys and girls have aggressivity from birth, however they can’t show it in the same way. Boys’ aggressivety can be directed outside, since it isn’t suppressed by society; however girls’ aggressivity should stay inside. That aggressivety is suppressed and is directed against own “individual” and turns in female masochism.
A usual woman can’t avoid masochism, it follows all the main stages of her life: sex, labor, motherhood – everything, one way or another, has to do with suffering. As if women carry out God’s wish – suffering, in order to expiate the first sin.
An enormous obstacle for achieving equality between women and men exists: men have already got male characteristics on a psychological level, since life made such requirements in front of him, however female hasn’t developed her mental and psychological essence, she preferred to stay female and mother. It’s not important, what a man does, he may be a tailor, a cook or a dancer – his sexual role doesn’t depend on his profession, even if his work has been traditionally doing by women. Women, on the contrary, if they become politicians, judges, sailors, take up important posts, usually copy man’s behavior, cause it’s difficult to behave as women.
A woman has fewer opportunities to sublimate her libido, cause sublimation is a stream of erotic energy, which flow through canals of higher level, than biological canals.
Women almost don’t have a tendency towards variations that is genius and degeneration.
Mother’s love turns out a simple human feeling. If to trace relations between a mother and a child over a period of humanity’s history, it’s easy to understand that mother’s instinct is a myth.
We will find no mutual or certain traits, which are characteristics of a mother, more likely her feelings will differ depending on culture, ambitions or frustrations. And how not to come to a conclusion that mother’s love is just a feeling, unstable feeling, which may exist or not, may appear or disappear, may be strong or weak, may be directed at one child or all at children. It depends on a mother, on history of her life and on history of humanity.
Motherhood was considered as the only and completely approved woman’s function over a period of the whole humanity’s history. Women were convinced that the fact of giving birth to a child itself earns the same respect of society as men’s achievements in culture area earn.
Moralists, authorities and doctors launched subtle and cunning propaganda in order women to feel only the best feelings to children and begin to breast-feed. That was reasoning about happiness and equality, which affected women very much.
Over a period of two centuries ideologists promised women the most incredible and wonderful reward, if they would take care of children. “Become good mothers and you’ll be happy and respected.” It’s possible to come to a conclusion from this, that the mother’s role, which, one would think, belongs only to a woman, was formed by men for men.
Mother’s love, unlike a generally accepted opinion, is not free from egoism, at the expense of it a woman gets prestige and recognition, fights against a complex of castration and realizes herself as a female, following the model of behavior, which all over is recognized and exalted.
I maintain that the majority of mothers are bad mothers, cause they don’t have enough of development themselves and haven’t achieved individual self-actualization, therefore, they can’t show an appropriate way for children. Who has nothing, can’t give anything. Such a sad reality was over a period of many centuries: upbringing of children obeyed unruly needs of a mother. It is in the whole world nowadays too.
Role of a mother is formed under enormous pressure of society, which inspires, that a woman can realize herself only through motherhood. Many women understand that too late, at the age of 40 or 50, having a few children and feeling a deep loneliness.
Everything above is not directed against motherhood, it’s just a warning against imposed, ill-considered, neurotic and forced giving birth to children.
It looks as if envy is one from the main characteristic of a usual woman, she is not only offended by men, but rivals other women in man’s attention.
A woman should develop power of her passiveness, mobilizing inner energy, which she caused herself. At the same time, it’s necessary to preserve female foundation – inner susceptibility and give up on all attempted competitions with a man; it’s necessary to concentrate on realization of her own potential, regardless of how that takes its toll on her relationship with a man.
The power, I am talking about, is power of a flexible reed, which bends down, however, remains standing during hurricane, while a mighty oak falls. Might of the power was demonstrated by Gandhi, when he made the British to leave India.
Every woman should choose: being a caricature and a clown or to allow womanhood to sprout inside her soul, I mean the womanhood which hasn’t revealed over a period of the whole humanity’s history.
I hope you haven’t tired very much from reading. Those are not my thoughts, however I am agreed with many of them.
Relationship advice columns Blog gives advice:
1st advice – become free on the basis of intelligent reflection about a concept that sex is sin, and replace it with the conviction, that libido is neutral energy, and only a person’s behavior dyes libido in different colors.
2nd advice – value your sexuality, cause it is equal to man’s sexuality and the both sexes have a mental and biological aptitude with similar importance.
3rd advice – develop yourself and present aims, which are connected not with men, but with your own individual development.
4th advice – completely give up on competitions with men, cause there is no necessity to prove or demonstrate equality with them, trying to beat them or to humiliate them, it’s enough just to devote time to your own development.
5th advice – achieve maturity and self-confidence, have your own opinion, ability for an independent opinion, become responsible and find sexual composure that allows you to get full and real sexual satisfaction.
6th advice – practice hygiene of emotions and imaginativeness, realizing, that destructive ideas and aggressive emotions pollute libido. I want to remark that negative energy weakens as your individual develops and grows.
7th advice – understand that real woman’s power is being flexible, active, susceptible, tender, and gentle.
8th advice – manage your relationship, paying attention to that people have own feelings and thoughts, which should be respected, their rights and expectations are as legal as your own. Such an attitude is born during the process of constant empathy, when a person puts herself in someone’s place.
9th advice – resolutely give up on man’s defense and custody, and understand that in her inner world a woman possesses incredible abilities for realization of woman’s way and desires, for creation successful and happy destiny.
10th advice – give up all attempts to use a man as a tool for achievement of your aims.
I wish you luck!!!
